Women vs. Women? It doesn’t have to be.

When it comes to women in the workplace, gender has always been a major player. From historic fights for equality to continued arguments of “doing it all,” the definition of working women is ever-changing.

Interestingly enough, the opposition facing professional women today comes just as much from the ladies as the gents. (Yes, really.) So BusinessQ asked local women to weigh in on the “why.”

Here’s your chance to become well versed in the versus.

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Elaine Englehardt couldn’t believe it.

More than 20 years ago, when she became an associate dean at UVU for the second time, she was confronted with a sexist colleague — a fellow female.

“It was astounding to me,” she says. “It was the first time in my life I didn’t get along with a supervisor. Instead of relying on me, she continually sought to undermine me.”

The notion of women being harder on other women isn’t a new concept — but it is a somewhat untouched phenomenon in the workplace.

“As women, we traditionally grew up competing to become the homecoming queen or to get the date,” Englehardt says. “And when we came into the workplace, we didn’t know how to work cooperatively with one another. We didn’t quite get it.”

While certainly a generalization, the notion of unsupportive women is not without merit. And it’s definitely one worth learning from.

The history
In the crusade for women’s rights in the workplace, other women have been some of the toughest critics.

“I got a lot of flak,” says Englehardt, who has worked at UVU since 1976. “I got flak from my neighbors, I got flak from people I didn’t even know. It was a tough environment to be in. They just couldn’t understand why I was working.”

Mary Crafts, founder of Culinary Crafts in Orem, was in a flak-frenzy herself.

“In my 24 years of business, one of the most difficult things to overcome was judgments in my personal life,” she says. “Fifteen years ago, it was made clear to me by others that I had chosen a path that was less than appropriate. People were judging me for having a career without even knowing my circumstances.”

Times change, and both Englehardt and Crafts acknowledge a substantial improvement in perception and acceptance.

“We’ve become much more accepting of women in the workplace in Utah, which is good,” Crafts says. “It’s what we need.”

But even today, the relationships between women at work could use a little, well, work.

“Conflict between women is not a biological problem, it’s a consciousness-raising problem,” Englehardt says. “We need to be aware of the discrimination against other women.”

The women
Dr. Sherron Bienvenu, a corporate communications consultant in Orem, says women in the workplace are a dichotomy.

“There are women who see a potentially powerful woman and want her on their team, and there are women who see a potentially powerful woman and want her dead,” she says.
Bienvenu calls the first group “smart women.”

“These are the women who realize we work better as a group,” she says. “They realize most women have had to work even harder to get to where they are — to be perceived as equal. And they respect, appreciate and want that intelligence on their side.”

As for the second group, Bienvenu refers to them as small-minded.

“It always surprises me,” she says. “These are women who have had to work so hard to achieve success that they are frightened about their territory. They become the queen bee, not realizing that we, as women, are more powerful when there are more of us.”

Each type of working woman has reasons for her approach, but there have certainly been general factors (read: challenges) that have played into their differing attitudes. Here are five “setbacks” working women still face today.

Setback #1 — Stereotypes
While women have successfully redefined their roles, there are still misconceptions regarding what they can and cannot do.

“Women get stereotyped for being good at certain types of jobs and not others,” says Kristi Knight, senior director of corporate communication for Omniture. “Most people think of women as the caretaker or in service-oriented jobs, and they often get overlooked for non-traditional roles because of it.”

Setback #2 — Perception
Women in charge often have a tricky line to walk when it comes to leadership style or discipline.

“Traits like bossiness or assertiveness have been a problem for women,” Bienvenu says. “If a man is bossy, it’s fine. If a woman is bossy, she’s the office witch. He’s passionate — she’s emotional. And because of that, it’s important to be controlled and persuasive.”

Setback #3 — Criticism
By nature, women can be each other’s worst critics. (Just ask Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin.)

“There are a couple of reasons for this. One is they don’t want other women to succeed. They used to be mean girls, and then they grew up to be mean women,” Bienvenu says. “Then there are those who are more critical because they want other women to do really, really well. I fall into that category. I tell women I want them to be excellent, and therefore I hold them to a higher standard.”

Setback #4 — Backbiting
Along with criticism comes its nasty sister: gossip.

“Quite often, there is sabotage in passive-aggressive ways,” Englehardt says. “Women will say something to your face and then talk behind your back. Men don’t seem to have as much of a problem with this — they speak right to your face. It’s a learned behavior.”

Setback #5 — Guilt
Working moms have guilt down in spades.

“It’s hard for women,” Knight says. “We have this instinct to beat ourselves up — to not give ourselves credit. And when it comes to balancing work and family life, that’s never been more true. I struggled for a long time with that guilt. When I was at work, I felt guilty for being away from my kids. When I was at home, I felt guilty for not working. It was a vicious, unproductive cycle.”

The ideal
Despite the aforementioned conflicts, there is so much to admire about working female relationships. From a strong camaraderie to a girl power mentality, there’s nothing women can’t do with a little help from their friends. Here are seven pieces of advice for women wanting the ideal workplace relationship.

1 • Have a mentor
The power of a mentor can’t be stressed enough.

“Find a woman who sees you as a younger version of herself — those are the best kinds of mentors,” Bienvenu says. “Someone who wants to help you avoid the mistakes she made and who will take a vested interest in your success. Then your job is to watch and listen carefully and apply what works for you.”

In addition, Englehardt recommends having a male mentor.

“Having the perspectives of both successful men and women is invaluable,” she says.

2 • Belong to a group
Networking is essential to building a network of support and trust.

“I belong to the Utah Women’s Forum,” Englehardt says. “We are all there to support each other, learn about one another and help with any difficulties we might face. It’s been a life saver for me.”

3 • Avoid gossip
Seems self-explanatory, but engaging in hurtful gossip doesn’t do anything to progress women in the workplace. Quite the contrary, in fact.

“The gossip and backbiting have got to stop,” says Englehardt, who is responsible for giving UVU’s ethics program national prominence. “It’s absolutely unacceptable. Rather than put someone down, raise them up. Focus on the positive.”

4 • Recognize your role
Whether you’re a boss or a subordinate, know your role with your fellow women at work.

“Understand where you fall in the relationship,” Bienvenu says. “If a woman is your boss — treat her as such. If she’s your peer — treat her as such. Sometimes women get into trouble when they’re always trying to play the best friend.”

5 • Be friendly
Women may get into trouble playing the best friend, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have meaningful relationships. The trick is to not use the friendship for work purposes.

“You have to be able to separate the two,” Bienvenu says. “Women who work really well together go in and out of being friends and colleagues — it’s effortless. But that only comes from complete trust and a knowledge that the friendship will never be taken advantage of.”

6 • Identify role models
One of the ways to strengthen your role as a working woman is to identify characteristics you admire in other women.

“It’s so important to choose role models when creating your own identity,” Bienvenu says. “Look around you, observe other women, and then identify what you want to take from them. For example, ‘I love her poise in a meeting. I want to make decisions like her. I want her wardrobe. I want her work-life balance.’ Those are all things you can learn from women around you.”

7 • Be yourself
Whatever happens, don’t lose sight of yourself or your goals.

“As women, we have the tendency to allow people to shape or mold us,” Knight says. “Work hard and go after what you want, but make sure you’re OK with being you. Be comfortable and confident in who you are.”

Sidebar

WOMEN VS. MEN
Men and women are working it out

Lest Mars and Venus feel left out, we decided to check in on how working men and women are doing these days.

“As far as women being equal to men in the workplace, I’d say both yes and no,” says Sherron Bienvenu, author of several books and articles. “Equality is such a strange word. Men and women are not the same. People are not the same. But we’ve definitely gotten to the point where women are learning powerful skills from men, and men are learning powerful skills from women. We’re on the right track.”

Kristi Knight knows a thing or two about the right track. She works for Orem-based Omniture — a company she calls gender blind.

“I can honestly say it’s all about who’s best for the job — male or female,” she says.

But despite these giant, historic, monumental strides, there is still room for improvement. Local women weigh in on how to keep succeeding.

Act the part
“Women have a tendency to feel less qualified — and we do that to ourselves,” says Knight, who has worked since she was 14 years old. “If you walk into a room, be in charge. Confidence is key.”

Dress the part
“You can be unapologetically feminine — no doubt,” Bienvenu says. “But whatever you do, look presentable. I always make sure I look my best — from my clothes to my jewelry to my hair. Which means my entire travel schedule revolves around Shep Salon in Provo.”

Work hard (no, like, really, really hard)
“Be really smart. Be really educated. Work harder. Work longer. Exceed expectations. Exceed expectations. Exceed expectations,” Bienvenu says.

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